Archive for March, 2012

Missed Lessons: On Self-Reliance

I ran today.  Outside, Week 3 of C25K.  Remember, the program I finished with a 5K, oh, 16 months ago?  And then promptly stopped running.  I wish I had a good reason why – but it went something like, “Oh, I made the goal – finished a 5K, and it’s July and really stinkin’ hot out here.”

But for some reason, I feel like running again. I started on the treadmill at Miracles Fitness a few weeks ago.  Which is odd, because the first time around, I NEVER ran on a treadmill.  Didn’t even want to try it.  But inexplicably, as I got back into a workout routine, running seemed to come with it.

But this week, it took a lot of psyching up to go and do it outside.  Which makes no sense, since the first time around I did it ALL outside.  What got me out there?  Good question.  That deserves some reflection.

What I’ve been mostly been pondering is how it felt.  I won’t lie – it was hard.  I’m actually more out of shape now than the first time I started running.  My running shoes probably need to be replaced, so my shins were feeling it a bit. And I missed the controlled speed of the treadmill, which makes my legs go fast just to keep up.  Suddenly I had push myself to do the running, not keep up with the external force that would knock me flat on my bum if I didn’t keep up.

And what I loved about it is that I was back to depending on God for the strength in my legs and my lungs and my mind.  I prayed much of the way through – often just for the strength to make it to the sign or the tree just up ahead.

And I remembered – THIS is what I loved and learned the first time running.  How it felt to depend on Him each moment, each breath. To rely on His strength that helps me do all things.  To trust in Him so that I can run and not grow weary.

I remember wondering what He was preparing me for 16 months ago.  Why did He call me to run at that point in life?  What did He know was coming that I would need to learn total reliance on Him for?  I was a bit apprehensive about that.

But the crisis didn’t come. Life went on as “normal” and I went back to self-reliance, controlling, planning, doing things in my own strength.  I’m not even so good at that – but I like to be independent even when it’s not working so well.  And I at times thought, “Huh, wonder what all that was for?”

And so today it hit me – He was preparing me for every day life.  Because I should be relying on Him like that EVERY DAY.  Not just through a crisis or a valley.  EACH MOMENT.

Some would say coincidence, but I say divine inspiration – here’s what I read in Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling this morning – somehow I got a day ahead, but I’ve just been going with it, so this is for March 16th:

“It is good that you recognize your weakness.  That keeps you looking to Me, your Strength.  Abundant life is not necessarily health and wealth; it is living in continual dependence on Me.”

Hmm.  I’m a bit sad that I missed that lesson the first time around.  But I’m hopeful that I won’t miss it this time.

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