Leanna Giltmier

I ran today.  Outside, Week 3 of C25K.  Remember, the program I finished with a 5K, oh, 16 months ago?  And then promptly stopped running.  I wish I had a good reason why – but it went something like, “Oh, I made the goal – finished a 5K, and it’s July and really stinkin’ hot out here.”

But for some reason, I feel like running again. I started on the treadmill at Miracles Fitness a few weeks ago.  Which is odd, because the first time around, I NEVER ran on a treadmill.  Didn’t even want to try it.  But inexplicably, as I got back into a workout routine, running seemed to come with it.

But this week, it took a lot of psyching up to go and do it outside.  Which makes no sense, since the first time around I did it ALL outside.  What got me out there?  Good question.  That deserves some reflection.

What I’ve been mostly been pondering is how it felt.  I won’t lie – it was hard.  I’m actually more out of shape now than the first time I started running.  My running shoes probably need to be replaced, so my shins were feeling it a bit. And I missed the controlled speed of the treadmill, which makes my legs go fast just to keep up.  Suddenly I had push myself to do the running, not keep up with the external force that would knock me flat on my bum if I didn’t keep up.

And what I loved about it is that I was back to depending on God for the strength in my legs and my lungs and my mind.  I prayed much of the way through – often just for the strength to make it to the sign or the tree just up ahead.

And I remembered – THIS is what I loved and learned the first time running.  How it felt to depend on Him each moment, each breath. To rely on His strength that helps me do all things.  To trust in Him so that I can run and not grow weary.

I remember wondering what He was preparing me for 16 months ago.  Why did He call me to run at that point in life?  What did He know was coming that I would need to learn total reliance on Him for?  I was a bit apprehensive about that.

But the crisis didn’t come. Life went on as “normal” and I went back to self-reliance, controlling, planning, doing things in my own strength.  I’m not even so good at that – but I like to be independent even when it’s not working so well.  And I at times thought, “Huh, wonder what all that was for?”

And so today it hit me – He was preparing me for every day life.  Because I should be relying on Him like that EVERY DAY.  Not just through a crisis or a valley.  EACH MOMENT.

Some would say coincidence, but I say divine inspiration – here’s what I read in Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling this morning – somehow I got a day ahead, but I’ve just been going with it, so this is for March 16th:

“It is good that you recognize your weakness.  That keeps you looking to Me, your Strength.  Abundant life is not necessarily health and wealth; it is living in continual dependence on Me.”

Hmm.  I’m a bit sad that I missed that lesson the first time around.  But I’m hopeful that I won’t miss it this time.

Let me tell you a little about Thursday’s run.  My final training run before my first 5K run ever.

I ran exactly 2 miles, and didn’t think I was going to make it that far.  (That was my goal…taking it easy heading into the race.)

I had a stitch in my side – twice.  That’s never happened before.

I had trouble breathing.  Haven’t had trouble like that since early in the C25K program.

My knee hurt on and off the rest of the day.

My pace was the slowest it’s been in weeks.

None of this is making me very hopeful heading into the 5K on Saturday.

It’s Thursday night, and I could post this now.  But I’m choosing not to, because it’s not the end of the story.  Because it’s not about the hope I have based on my abilities.  It’s about the trust and hope I have in Jesus Christ.

If I had posted this on Friday, I would have had to tell you about how my knee hurt.  ALL DAY.  I wondered if I would even be able to run.

And yet…

Every time I started to question, I heard this simple question:  “Do you trust me?”

It has been a few days where the Casting Crowns song “Voice of Truth” has been for me – I needed to only listen to HIS truth.  And the truth is:

Phillippians 2:13  ¹³ For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

1 Thess 5:24  The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.

Isaiah 40:31  ³¹ but those who trust in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

With that kind of truth, how could my answer be anything but “Yes, I trust You.”  I have seen His faithfulness and His strength over and over since my first day of running – why would I doubt that He would not provide on the race day?

So, here it is, my race day notes:

I ran the whole darn thing.  From start line to finish line.

I felt great.  The one time that I felt like walking, my iPod changed to “Free to Run” – the song He first used to comfort and encourage me.  Like I could start walking during that song!  By the time the song was over, I was in the home stretch and knew I could make it.

My knee was fine.

I never had a single other stitch, pain, nothing.

I finished 2 minutes faster than the last 2 times I ran the very same course.

I even went back out and ran the Kids Fun Run with Megan. 😉  Who would have thought I would run extra?!

Thanks to Him who is my hope and my strength.

Quick post today…just to share with you that I am celebrating running a 5K this morning!  Granted, I started out with a short warm-up walk, but then I ran the rest of the course I’ll be running in next week’s race.  It felt GREAT!

The difference between today’s run and the 2 I struggled with earlier this week?  Preparation in the form of prayer.

Sure, I could cite cooler weather, but in my heart of hearts –  I know that’s not it.

God put Isaiah 41:10-11 in front of me last night, and I quickly committed it to memory.  I prayed it, and I repeated it over and over to myself this morning.

“Fear not, for I am with you.  Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”

Praise be to Him.

Do you ever read a quote (or in this case, a Facebook status) that just makes you stop and think?  Apparently it’s been happening a lot to me lately!

So here it is for today:

Peter began to sink when his faith shifted from the firmness of Jesus’ word to the instability of his circumstance. Trusting in Jesus and his word over our perceptions is difficult to learn. That’s why the Lord takes us through faith-building experiences. And it is never for just our own benefit. He’s displaying his power so others’ faith will be strengthened too. ~Jon Bloom

If you’re not familiar with the story, you can find it in Matthew 14:22-33.  Jesus walks across a lake to meet his disciples who are out in a boat.  They see him and are very afraid, thinking he is a ghost.  He admonishes them to “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”  Peter, ever one to test Jesus, says “Lord, if it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water.”

Of course, Jesus does just that, and helps Peter to walk.  Suddenly, Peter notices the wind, and gets scared.  He begins to sink.  Jesus rewponse? ³¹Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

When I read the Jon Bloom quote, I knew it was just for me.  If you’ve read any of my blog, you know this whole running thing is just not natural to me – yep, almost as unnatural as walking on water.  You hopefully also know that I believe God called me to do it, and that I’ve had to rely on Him and His strength for every step of progress I’ve made.

A few short weeks ago, I was DEEPLY relying on him – almost every step, every breath.  When I was running 60 second intervals, I could only complete them because I called on Him.  When I was up to 5 minute intervals, the last half of those were ALL HIM.  When I had to jump from 8 minutes to 20 minutes, I spent a TON of time in prayer as preparation, because I knew it would have to be Him to get me through it.

But now that my race is 10 days away,  and the most I’ve been able to run without stopping is 2.5 miles, and I haven’t been able to do that the last 2 runs.  I am FULL of doubt about actually completing 3.1 miles without walking.

And yet Jesus is still there.  He is still willing and ready and eager and able to carry me for all 3.1 miles.  But I have to believe Him.  I have to focus on that truth, and not on the circumstances – it’s hot, I’m tired, I’m thirsty.  Not listen to the part of me that says I can’t do it or is afraid I’ll “sink” like Peter did.

I need to keep my eyes on Him and my trust in Him and believe that He’ll carry me through.  After all, He called me to do it.

Ephesians 2:13 (NLT):

¹³ For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

I have become a bit obsessed with speed lately.  Guessing that’s because I have none.

Let’s be real here.  Two weeks ago I got passed by a 55-yr-old couple out walking their dog.  Not passed by a teeny bit – fully passed.  Thank goodness I turned before I could see just how far in front of me they might get.  My 14-yr-old stepson can run darn close to 3 miles in the time I can run 1.  My time would have earned me an F- in high school gym class.

I’m starting to be pretty sure that I will indeed be the last “runner” to finish the 5K that is looming in less than 3 weeks.  Not a feeling I’m looking forward to.

I had a particularly hard run yesterday.  I made it 2 miles – which was my goal – but it felt TERRIBLE.  I thought my legs were going to fall off.  And it was my slowest run in a few weeks, and the previous ones were darn slow.

I realized that I’ve started to take my running a bit “for granted.”  Just a few weeks ago, I spent a lot of time in prayer before I set out.  I had several verses in my mind to repeat to myself throughout the run to keep me going.  I guess now that running has become somewhat of a habit, and the goals don’t seem so insurmountable (like the day I had to go from running 8 min at a time to 20 min at a time), I haven’t put the mental focus into it.

So yesterday when an article appeared on the Couch-2-5K FB page on mental training and focus, I knew I should click on it.  ( Maximizing… )

The first Principle of Focusing stopped me in my tracks:

1. Try to remain oblivious to the outside world. Orlick provides great examples of how well we are able to push ourselves when we are not aware that we are being “scored.” Ask yourself how things change for you when you realize people expect things out of you.

Once again, I find myself in the trap of worrying about others. Worrying about how I’ll look to them, how I’ll compare to them, what they’ll think of me.

I didn’t start “running” for anybody except God, and a bit for me.  HE put this path in front of me, and told me He had some things He wanted me to learn.  Part of it was about my physical health, but many larger parts were about my spiritual and mental health.  You can read about that in some of my previous posts.

So, I had to ask myself this – “Does God care about my speed?”

I couldn’t come up with any way to answer that question except for an emphatic NO.  He cares about my obedience.  He cares about where my heart is.  He cares about whether I’m listening to what He’s trying to teach me and to where He wants me to go.

And I suspect, within all of that, He’s also trying to teach me to quit thinking about what others are thinking and only care about Him.

And so I also have to ask myself in many other areas of my life (Bible study, relationships, serving in ministry, etc) – how would things change for me if I quit “scoring” myself against others and if I ignored people’s expectations of me, and how others change the expectations I have of myself?

Not a question I can answer today, but one I need to spend some time exploring.

Maybe I’ll do it on my next run when I try to push myself out of my comfort zone a bit.  Because although the numbers don’t matter, I know He asks us to give our all and sometimes – many times – that takes some discomfort.

On Friday, I’m going to ask my body to do something I’m pretty sure it has never done.  Not in my whole life.  To run for 20 straight minutes.

I know to some of my friends, that’s a nice simple jog around the neighborhood.  Not for me.  I have always hated to run – even in high school when I was relatively fit.  Now I’m 20 years older and 60+ pounds heavier.

So, in my brain is the same question that is in the heads of my non-runner friends – “Why on earth am I doing this?”

I could give you some really practical reasons.  There are lots.  Starting with the extra 60 pounds. 🙂  Beyond that, my lack of energy to really enjoy my family some of the time.

One of the biggest pushes I got in this area of health came 3 months ago.  A friend died of breast cancer.  A wonderful, committed mom who loved her kids to the max.  Who left those 4 kids behind, all 11 and under.  A few days later, an article appeared in the newspaper.  Some would call it coincidence, but I know that God put it in front of me that week.  Because I have a family history of breast cancer, it’s the long-term health issue that is most top of mind for me, and He knew I would read it.

I wish I could find the exact article, but the whole thing can be summed up in this statement:  Women who are physically active (I think it said 3-4 days per week for 1 hour) have a 35% reduced risk for breast cancer.

That certainly got me thinking.  But not doing.

About a month ago, I noticed a few friends on Facebook clicking “Like” on the Couch to 5K Running Plan.  Since I’m pretty good at the couch thing, I decided to check it out.

Three days later, a friend and I agreed that we were going to try this thing out.  This was definitely an impulse decision for me, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

The first day was miserable.  But at the end, God was gracious to tell me that it was just where He wanted me.

Since then, He has been revealing to me why.  I have always been a person who has relied on her own strengths to accomplish whatever was in front of me.  I don’t like to ask questions, and I don’t like to show weakness.  I’ve had pride in my abilities and achievements.

Over the last few years, God’s been working on me, transforming me to look at those abilities and gifts as from Him and for Him.  My energies have begun to turn to what I can do for Him, not for me.  But it’s still been largely about what I can do.

So, He’s using running to show me what HE can do, if I will follow Him.  Trust Him to work through me.  Turn to Him to sustain me through every step – and sometimes it literally takes asking Him to help me get through every step of that run.

If you had told me a month ago that I would be able to run 5 minutes straight, I would have laughed in your face.  I could barely run the distance between two houses.

Ask me today, and I’ll tell you that I CAN run 5 minutes straight, because it is God working through me, giving me the power to do what pleases Him. (Phillippians 2:13).  And I hope that on Friday I’ll tell you that I CAN run 20 minutes straight.  I will continue to trust in Him, because if I do, I will run and not grow weary. (Isaiah 40:31)

That’s why.